Last week I was able to get away from kids ministry for a few minutes and experience some great worship music time with our new Worship Leader, Brian Griggs. He had an awesome set put together - and the last song was "Inside Out" by Hillsongs. For some reason this song hit me harder than it ever has!
One line in particular really hit home. "The art of losing MYSELF, in bringing you praise".
What does that look like exactly?! We, as men and women in this society are led to believe the lie that we are deserving of this or that. Sadly, I fall into this category more often than not! I find myself buying into the lie that tells me that I deserve a break, or this item of clothing, or a night out on the town, or a housekeeper... :) I sometimes feel that I have lost WHO I am! I don't feel like RACHEL anymore...I feel like a mother, a housekeeper, a wife and a children's director. But...where is that girl RACHEL who I used to know so well!?
Jon and I were just talking about this the other night - and I was crying to him telling him that I just needed to feel like myself again....and then this song hit me like a TON of bricks! I am not called to be RACHEL. I am called to be a follower of Christ....I am called to be a mother and a wife...and those things (even though I feel I've lost myself) bring God glory! I am put on this earth for NO other reason than to bring Honor and Praise to my Savior!
Father, I pray that YOU and you alone would consume me from the INSIDE out! Let my life be an example of your grace and mercy. Let others look on me and desire the joy that I carry because I have your holy spirit living and dwelling in me! Help me to put aside my desires to be an individual with selfish ambition and fill them with longings for more of YOU! Continue to teach me and grow me and my faith, in your son's name, Jesus, Amen.
From the Inside Out
A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself, in bringing You praise
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out, Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
I, too, love this song, Rachel! And I struggle with the same conflicts - who am I? What should I be focused on right now? Is it okay to just be a mom - but for how long? Is it okay if I want to go back to school? If I don't move on from being a mom, will I just get stuck in this motherhood blackhole forever and never be my own person? How much can I take on before I break? Shouldn't someone else be helping me do all this stuff? And, yet, these are the things I feel God has led me to. I want to be consumed from the inside out - but I often think that I am not there.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should have just made my own post!! (:
Luv ya!